I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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