You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
