She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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