I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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