my sisters under your porch take her home
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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