He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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