There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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