i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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