I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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