so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
