I wanna bring you to show and tell
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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