he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
