So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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