omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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