In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I supernannyed him into submission
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
