Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
