Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
