My first STD was from a foam party
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
