I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize