I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
