I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
