I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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