My hand turned me down
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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