They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
