I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
