I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
sarcasm needs its own font
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
