Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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