at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
