We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
