Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
