the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
