i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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