Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
