The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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