Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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