You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
