I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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