I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
