I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
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Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize