as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
