I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sarcasm needs its own font
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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