New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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