also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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