I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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