wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
