gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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