he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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