I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
