Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
