you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
