Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
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My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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