It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
