I got chris browned last night
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
