One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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