Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
