one two three fourrrrnication!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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