this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
