It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
