she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
