He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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