She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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