Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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