where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize